Teen Dating

I normally don't give talks on this subject, due to the fact that the Church, so far as I know, does not have a rule on it. The Church has never taught either "teens ought not date" or "teens need to experience dating" and therefore anything I say on the matter is mere opinion and does not have behind it the infalibility of the Church. However, St Paul once wrote that it was he who was writing and not God, so while what he was writing should be regarded as coming from a human source, Paul also had the boldness to assert that he was wise enough and holy enough to have something to say on the matter, and to deserve some regard.

This is the claim that I am making on this talk. If you dissagree with what I say here, well and good, you have every right to. But I think it is worth your consideration.

So, the question that is often put before me, especially by parents, is "should teens date?"

I think the reason that there is no rule about it in the Church is that there cannot be one. It is likely one of those things that has to be discerned on a case to case basis, with consideration being given to life circumstances, maturity, the development of conscience, etc. It should be pointed out- Mary was engaged and pregnant by the time she was 14, and this proved to be rather fortuitious.

What is the youngest age a person should date at?

What is the biggest age gap that should be allowed?

I heard a formula once that I kinda liked. The youngest person you should date is your age divided by 2 plus 8. So, for example, I am 28. Divide that by two, you get 14. Add 8, you get 22. The youngest person I could date would be 22. For a 60 year old, it'd be 38 (seems a little odd to me) For a 16 year old, it would be 16. For a 14 year old, it would be 15, but for that 15 year old it would be 15 1/2. In other words, it is impossible, abiding by that formula, to date until you are 16. (perhaps a more refined formula would be [(x) X 2/3]+6).

Anyway, enough algebra, let's get back to social studies. I think that what it comes down to is whether or not the thing works towards your life goal. What is the purpose of life?

The baltimore catechism says it is "to glorify God."

So, does dating glorify God?

First of all, does God want it? I think most people tend to discern dating by negation. "I want it, I hope God wants it, let's discern and if he doesn't tell us otherwise, let's assume that it is God's will." I personally have to admit that I have dated that way- and some times it seemed to work OK, but I had at least one dissasterous relationship that was clearly not Gods will.

we have to remember that a part of discernment is using your brain. God gave you intelligence for a reason, so just as if you are making a moral decision you should consider the factors, or if you're trying to find your way somewhere you should look at a map, so with discernment it should be more than just a gut instinct. Think! Does it really glorify God?

Of course people will tell you all kinds of nonsense a shrill about "love being beyond reason" and being "insurmountable reason itself." Holywood is full of movies that promote love as infallible, undeniable, and a force that allows us to overlook the complete idiocy of a situation and somehow we are spared the consequences. If you believe that this is love... you are not ready to start dating.

(to be continued...)

love and infatuation

unrepeatable person

Knowing your own dignity, and finding that in Christ alone.

love as sacrifice

love as commitment

dating as training for marriage (divorce)

How much do you want to keep special?