Forgiveness
St Peter was talking to Jesus one day, and said "how many times should I forgive, 7 times?" and Jesus said (depending on which gospel you read) "Not 7 times, but 70 times 7 times."
Does this mean that we keep a little counter on us, and everytime we have to forgive an individual for the same offense we tally it until we reach 490, and then cut them off?
No, or course not. That would be ridiculous.
Peter thought that 7 would be a good number, since it's the perfect number, and evidently we can't just keep forgiving a person who continues to sin regardless. However, Jesus taught us essentially that to forgive is an act of love, and as such, it is something we need to do again and again.
Often people will think of someone who hurt them, and they will say 'I can never forgive so and so, since they have hurt me so badly." Well, without downplaying their pain, I think it should still be acknowledged that they must forgive that individual, as an act of the will, despite what their emotions dictate!
Now, what are some reasons that a person would want to not forgive a person? Vengeance. Vulnerability. Naivety. We know that when we forgive a person we are essentially opening ourselves up to letting that kind of thing happen again.
But here's the thing. Love is the greatest thing in all the world. And the greatest kind of love is Agape love- the love of God. God loves people who won't even love him back. And he forgives them again and again as an act of unconditional love.
In other words, if we love people so much that we continue to forgive them even though they might do it again, and we put ourselves on the line and make ourselves vulnerable, we are loving them with the love with which God has loved us- which is the greatest kind of the greatest thing, so we should be happy!
The Bible says we have to make 'love' our aim. Just as love is a choice, so forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to love someone even when you don't feel like it, and you can choose to forgive someone even when you don't feel like it. When you do this, pray that God will allow the emotions to follow. We tend to think of forgiveness as an emotion, and say "when I don't feel pain anymore, then I will forgive." But that is backwards! If we are ever going to learn to love, we have to learn to forgive!
Jesus tells a story about a guy who owes his master a bunch of money. The master is going to throw the guy into prison, but the guy begs him for mercy, and so the master forgives him his debt. Then the guy sees one of his buddies, that owes him some money- and he throws that guy in prison! Jesus says that the master will take the guy and throw him into prison until his debt is paid.
This is what the forgiveness of God is like. We expect God to keep forgiving us for the same things over and over again, but God says we have to forgive other people. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those..." When you pray that, you probably don't think about it, but you are actually saying that you forgive anyone who has hurt you and you are making the forgiveness of God contingent upon whether you forgive someone else!
But again, we have an apparent contradiction- or at least a paradox. If love chooses to forgive, and Gods love is unconditional, then it follows that Gods forgiveness is unconditional, and therefore can not be contingent upon whether or not you forgive someone else. In fact, why should se even have to confess our sins, if God is just gonna love us and thus forgive us anyway?
When I worked in the group home for kids with behaviour problems, there was this 10 year old boy who was going nuts one day, wrecking the place, swearing at me, throwing things, trying to punch me. That evening when he had calmed down, he asked me to forgive him. I told him that I did forgive him- but that he would still have to serve his consequences.
This is the thing with forgiveness that a lot of people don't understand- forgiveness does not negate the consequences. If you break my window, and I forgive you, you still have to replace my window. If you betray my trust, and I forgive you, you still have to win back my trust. Relationships are damaged when you hurt someone- but once damaged, that damage will go deeper and deeper until you choose to forgive. It's like a cut. Left untreated, it could become infected and do more damage. Treated, it will still need to heal, but it can begin that process.
So in our relationship with God, God wants to forgive us, but that means he wants to begin the healing process. However, since what is healing is a relationship with God, we also have a role to play in that process. If we don't acknowledge our fault, or if we don't forgive other people, than even though God wants to forgive us, we are essentially preventing that from happening.
Similarly, in relationships with other people, it is good to actually ask for forgiveness when you've done something wrong. Most people will say something like "Oh, sorry for this." and the response is "That's OK." But the problem with that is, it does not actually acknowledge the fault. Instead I've developed the habit of saying "Will you forgive me for this", and the person replies "I forgive you." This way I'm not merely expressing sadness for what happened, I am humbling myself to ask for forgiveness for something I really did. And they are not merely dismissing it, they acknowledge what happened, but make an act of the will by saying "I forgive you." This is also what we do in confession, when we confess our sins, and actually get to hear Gods representative say "I forgive you". This is why Jesus implemented Confession! (CF John 20:23)
Now, what about people who have not asked for forgiveness? Chances are that if you look at your life you will recognize that there are people in it who you need to forgive who never have and probably never will ask for forgiveness. This could eat away at you. You need to choose to forgive those people! Maybe this will not entirely heal your relationship... maybe you still won't talk to them, or you'll still be distant from them, but you need to do this for your own sake. Unforgiveness is like spiritual cancer- and it has actually been linked to physical cancer. It sits in your soul, and eats away at your ability to trust, to be vulnerable, to love, and to be free. Choosing to forgive someone is choosing that freedom for yourself.
Lastly, you may need to go to someone to ask for forgiveness. The Bible says that if you go to the altar, and you know that someone has something against you, you need to go to that person first and ask them to forgive you. In other words, you're not even supposed to receive communion unless you have asked forgiveness of people! I know it is hard, it is humbling and even a little scary to do it, but that is the level of holiness that God has called you to!
Does this mean that we keep a little counter on us, and everytime we have to forgive an individual for the same offense we tally it until we reach 490, and then cut them off?
No, or course not. That would be ridiculous.
Peter thought that 7 would be a good number, since it's the perfect number, and evidently we can't just keep forgiving a person who continues to sin regardless. However, Jesus taught us essentially that to forgive is an act of love, and as such, it is something we need to do again and again.
Often people will think of someone who hurt them, and they will say 'I can never forgive so and so, since they have hurt me so badly." Well, without downplaying their pain, I think it should still be acknowledged that they must forgive that individual, as an act of the will, despite what their emotions dictate!
Now, what are some reasons that a person would want to not forgive a person? Vengeance. Vulnerability. Naivety. We know that when we forgive a person we are essentially opening ourselves up to letting that kind of thing happen again.
But here's the thing. Love is the greatest thing in all the world. And the greatest kind of love is Agape love- the love of God. God loves people who won't even love him back. And he forgives them again and again as an act of unconditional love.
In other words, if we love people so much that we continue to forgive them even though they might do it again, and we put ourselves on the line and make ourselves vulnerable, we are loving them with the love with which God has loved us- which is the greatest kind of the greatest thing, so we should be happy!
The Bible says we have to make 'love' our aim. Just as love is a choice, so forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to love someone even when you don't feel like it, and you can choose to forgive someone even when you don't feel like it. When you do this, pray that God will allow the emotions to follow. We tend to think of forgiveness as an emotion, and say "when I don't feel pain anymore, then I will forgive." But that is backwards! If we are ever going to learn to love, we have to learn to forgive!
Jesus tells a story about a guy who owes his master a bunch of money. The master is going to throw the guy into prison, but the guy begs him for mercy, and so the master forgives him his debt. Then the guy sees one of his buddies, that owes him some money- and he throws that guy in prison! Jesus says that the master will take the guy and throw him into prison until his debt is paid.
This is what the forgiveness of God is like. We expect God to keep forgiving us for the same things over and over again, but God says we have to forgive other people. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those..." When you pray that, you probably don't think about it, but you are actually saying that you forgive anyone who has hurt you and you are making the forgiveness of God contingent upon whether you forgive someone else!
But again, we have an apparent contradiction- or at least a paradox. If love chooses to forgive, and Gods love is unconditional, then it follows that Gods forgiveness is unconditional, and therefore can not be contingent upon whether or not you forgive someone else. In fact, why should se even have to confess our sins, if God is just gonna love us and thus forgive us anyway?
When I worked in the group home for kids with behaviour problems, there was this 10 year old boy who was going nuts one day, wrecking the place, swearing at me, throwing things, trying to punch me. That evening when he had calmed down, he asked me to forgive him. I told him that I did forgive him- but that he would still have to serve his consequences.
This is the thing with forgiveness that a lot of people don't understand- forgiveness does not negate the consequences. If you break my window, and I forgive you, you still have to replace my window. If you betray my trust, and I forgive you, you still have to win back my trust. Relationships are damaged when you hurt someone- but once damaged, that damage will go deeper and deeper until you choose to forgive. It's like a cut. Left untreated, it could become infected and do more damage. Treated, it will still need to heal, but it can begin that process.
So in our relationship with God, God wants to forgive us, but that means he wants to begin the healing process. However, since what is healing is a relationship with God, we also have a role to play in that process. If we don't acknowledge our fault, or if we don't forgive other people, than even though God wants to forgive us, we are essentially preventing that from happening.
Similarly, in relationships with other people, it is good to actually ask for forgiveness when you've done something wrong. Most people will say something like "Oh, sorry for this." and the response is "That's OK." But the problem with that is, it does not actually acknowledge the fault. Instead I've developed the habit of saying "Will you forgive me for this", and the person replies "I forgive you." This way I'm not merely expressing sadness for what happened, I am humbling myself to ask for forgiveness for something I really did. And they are not merely dismissing it, they acknowledge what happened, but make an act of the will by saying "I forgive you." This is also what we do in confession, when we confess our sins, and actually get to hear Gods representative say "I forgive you". This is why Jesus implemented Confession! (CF John 20:23)
Now, what about people who have not asked for forgiveness? Chances are that if you look at your life you will recognize that there are people in it who you need to forgive who never have and probably never will ask for forgiveness. This could eat away at you. You need to choose to forgive those people! Maybe this will not entirely heal your relationship... maybe you still won't talk to them, or you'll still be distant from them, but you need to do this for your own sake. Unforgiveness is like spiritual cancer- and it has actually been linked to physical cancer. It sits in your soul, and eats away at your ability to trust, to be vulnerable, to love, and to be free. Choosing to forgive someone is choosing that freedom for yourself.
Lastly, you may need to go to someone to ask for forgiveness. The Bible says that if you go to the altar, and you know that someone has something against you, you need to go to that person first and ask them to forgive you. In other words, you're not even supposed to receive communion unless you have asked forgiveness of people! I know it is hard, it is humbling and even a little scary to do it, but that is the level of holiness that God has called you to!
posted by Peter van Kampen at 1:22 PM
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