There s a myth in the world, that guys and girls are pretty much the same, in different wrappings. The idea goes that we have been socialized to behave a certain way, and that is why we act the way that we do. This myth was created in large part by the feminist movement, which, while battling legitimate discrepancies between men and women, began to view any difference as something which needed to be taken down. So feminists began to burn their bras, and to cut their hair short, and dress in “woman suits.” None of these things are necessarily bad in the first place, but the attitude was “Women are the same as men and thus they should be just like men.” Feminists went further, endorsing birth control and abortion, because if women kept having babies, this would merely serve to highlight the differences between men and women! Women had to have the ability to choose not to be open to life, so that they could do all the things men do. Pregnancy is very limiting.
However, our society is beginning to see through this myth. In the 70’s there were some children born with mutated genitals- say like half a penus. The doctors would have a choice- they could either surgically reconstruct the penus, or they could create the equivalent a vagina. Clearly, a vagina was the easier choice. They could then raise the child as a girl, and feed them the appropriate hormones to make sure they grew breasts and the whole bit.
These “girls” though, despite having all the hormones, and being socialized as girls, would hate wearing dresses and playing with dolls and would want instead to play with trucks and guns. (Some of these children later turned and sued their doctors and parents.)
The church teaches us that our bodies are ‘sacraments’ of our spirits. Any ‘sacrament’ is a physical manifestation of a spiritual reality. So baptism symbolizes washing away sins by using water, but it really does wash away sin!
So what do the differences in our bodies tell us about our spiritual realities? First of all, we need to move away from the dualistic culture we have created. By that I mean that we tend to think about our spirits as being eternal, and encased in a limiting container, the body. As humans, we are both spiritual and physical- and one reflects the other. Gentlemen, if you ever have the opportunity to learn about Natural Family Planning, you will learn all kinds of things about mucus that you simply never knew! And never wanted to know. And it’s weirs that god would choose to use mucus to create eternal human beings!
But he does. I think that if we could only move away from this idea that the physical is ugly and slimy, and if we could glory in the awkwardness of the physical. Men who do not deodorant, stink! Women, fart! So I understand. It’s never happened in my presence. We are physical, and need to come to terms with the physical.
After all, why would God create us male and female in the first place? For procreation? We could just procreate like amoebas. You could be walking down the street “of, I have a splitting headache” then suddenly “I’m beside myself!” God could do that!
But he didn’t.
For some reason God created us male and female. And our physical nature reflects our spiritual nature. And our nature, which is both physical and spiritual, reflects the nature of God. So it should be celebrated.
So whatever the physical differences are between men and women, this will tell you something about the spiritual differences. So what are the physical differences?
The most obvious one- boys have pee-pees.
For some reason, when we have create new human beings, when we participate the most in the nature of God, he wants us to have sex. And men have different roles in sex than women.
I was talking to a man recently, and he was saying that whenever a couple has sex, they are necessarily ‘roll playing’. I was like “Oh, let’s play police officer!” “Ok, you little siren. You have the right to remain silent.”
But that’s not what he meant.
When you have sex, it is necessarily the male who penetrates the female. This tells you something about our nature!
John Paul II said “Men need to love in order to accept love- women need to accept love in order to love.”
In other words, men need to initiate love. Women need to respond. There are two things that happen to men who do not initiate. First of all, ever since High School, I have been pretty popular with the ladies. A lot of ladies have wanted to date me, and have told me so! For a while, I thought “this shouldn’t be a problem. I’m getting to be a pro at letting women know I’m just interested in friendship.”
But here is what I discovered. The women who seemed the most determined to find a guy, were the least attractive ones to me. They might be cute physically, holy spiritually, cool socially… and yet something inside me would go “hmmm… I wonder what’s wrong with her!” The other day a friend told me “Peter, if you were single, I’d be a one man woman.” And I thought “you poor thing.”
Now, I’m dating an incredible women, who is beautiful, holy, intelligent, sociable, charming…. And when I consider what has attracted me to her, it is this. First off, I’ve known her for nine years, and I’ve always considered her ‘outside of my league’. I still kinda do! In all the time that I had known her, she never seemed interested in any of the men. I’m not saying ladies that you should come across as an ice princess- but have confidence in your own beauty and in Gods plan for your life! I’ll tell you what I find really attractive- a woman who considers celibacy as a vocation. I think many women shy away from that possibility, because they think it’s like admitting defeat. But a beautiful woman who desires holiness to that degree… there’s nothing better!
Here’s the second thing that happens to men if women initiate. They feel like they have nothing to give. Men cannot receive love without first giving it! The man wants to feel like he is the one providing for the women. The woman is beautiful, and the man wants her to rejoice in her beauty- and he wants to be the one to let her! Don’t kid yourselves ladies, men want to be romantic. They want to give you flowers, and dinner by candlelight. They want to lead you in a dance. But men are scared of how you will respond.
There is a lot of pressure in my family to propose to my Girl friend. And I keep telling them, that while she would say yes if I asked now, I want her to be thrilled. I do not feel assured that she would be thrilled, until I know that the love I have for her is a gift. Women often ask me how they can honour men- I’ll tell you sincerely, let men honour you. Be charmed by it. Be excited that a guy is man enough to hold the door for you. Then return the ‘love’ by simply thanking the man. You will affirm him in his masculinity in a way that no amount of cooking dinner for him would do.
So that shows why men want to initiate, but do women want to respond? The feminists feel that the responsive role is somehow one of lesser dignity. They feel that men and women should have the exact same amount of give and take, the exact same role in everything.
Recent studies have shown that stay at home moms are happier in the marriage than working moms. The academic community are astounded by this, because they have so long accepted the doctrine that men and women should play the same role.
But men have a natural desire to be the provider/protector. Evolutionists can attribute credit to the ‘cave man’ days for this phenomenon, but I think we’re missing the obvious. Men are by nature providers. Initiators. We were created that way. Our bodies point to that truth!
So women are happier too. Ladies, who amongst you would not be happier to have the man of your dreams pursue you, romance you, and sweep you onto his horse- than you having to do it yourself? Chick flicks are very telling. The woman melts when the man has the courage to actually initiate. “You had me at hello!”
I think part of the reason for this is the woman’s natural beauty. It is not just your imagination, women are actually better looking than men. You wanna talk about physical differences? Men have hair growing all over the place!
Men want to rejoice in a woman’s beauty. This little chemical reaction happens in a man every time he sees a beautiful woman. It’s called epinephrine. It is a hormone, which affects the mind, and gives the man a little emotional high. This is why pornography is so addictive for men.
Similarly, a woman wants a man to rejoice in her beauty. How many beautiful women have you ever heard complaining about their physical appearance? They want men to tell them that they are lovely, desirable. And when a man does, a little chemical reaction happens in the woman. A hormone, known as oxytosin, creates an emotional bond to the man who had just complemented her!
Why? Notice that the man desires to see, and the woman desires to hear! Now of course, the reverse is also true, but not to the same degree. I still appreciate it if a woman compliments me on how I look. And pornography is becoming an increasing issue for women. But overall, men are, as we say, visually oriented, and women are emotionally oriented.
This, ladies, is why you cannot wear your little thong bikini at camp. This is why, men, you have to avert your eyes when you see a woman wearing a thong bikini. As men, our entire nature is built to see, and to desire physical intimacy. Women don’t get it, because to a woman, there is nothing more unattractive than a man in a thong. So a lot of times, women won’t even know that what they are wearing is difficult for men to see. The epinephrine shot is already going. Ladies, if there is a man in your life who respectfully lets you know that what you are wearing is inappropriate, thank him, and take his word on it- ‘cause you’re never gonna get it.
However, it goes both ways. I mentioned before that what stimulates a woman is not visual, but generally verbal. Somehow, it is emotional. It is the man affirming her dignity and beauty as a woman. That’s what turns a girl on.
John Paul II taught that it is the mans responsibility, as the initiator, to see to it that the woman has the most pleasurable sexual experience possible. I used to think that this simply meant that the man has to make sure she climaxes- since women generally take longer, and men are pretty much gonna climax anyway. However, I am learning that there is more to it than that. As the initiator, the man must stimulate the woman in the manner in which she is stimulated until she desires to give herself back to him. No wonder so many women feel used in sex! If the man tries to stimulate her in the manner in which he is accustomed to being stimulated, puts on a thong and rubs his leg up and down the doorpost…. This isn’t gonna cut it. He has to communicate that he loves her, do it physically, verbally, whatever, and then she will by her very nature want to give herself back to him!
I recently heard a lady on a talk radio show, talking about how she coped with the fact that her husband was having an affair. She said the thing that bothered her the most about it was not that he was having physical sex, but that he was emotionally investing in another women. This indicates exactly what is important for the different genders!
However, what does that mean for those of us who are not married. Maybe you’re like “ooh… I gotta remember that! 10 years from now this knowledge will come in so handy!”
Just like guys have to be careful with looking at images, and women need to dress accordingly, so we need to be sensitive to what stimulates women. It is actually possible for a woman to want to marry a Backstreet Boy, or famous movie actor, that they have never met. In fact it is common. This doesn’t happen much with guys. Guys don’t want to marry Brittany Spears- They just want to have sex with her!
What’s going on in women is that they are getting their emotional stimulation from other means, much in the same way as men use pornography. Chick flicks are deadly. But no one ever talks about this danger!
Women complain that they could never compete with pornography, like men keep asking them to do. Well, you know what ladies? Men can never compete with Chick Flicks! Believe me, I know, I tried! I’ve tried to be spontaneous and sweet and romantic and charming…. And there is always something artificial and strange about it.
But the bigger problem becomes when women actually become addicted to the stimulant. Now, I’m not saying that anytime a woman is watching a chick flick, that it is necessarily wrong. Just like it is not necessarily wrong for a man to watch naked women on TV. But I betcha there are some ladies here who need to be brutally honest with themselves about it!
Women also have to be careful about how they see their guy friends- and guys, we need to be careful about how we treat women. I have long been of the opinion that if I have told a woman, in no uncertain terms, that my friendship with her is purely platonic, than she should be able to understand that I mean nothing when I am affectionate, emotionally intimate, and telling her that she is beautiful. Right? That just means I’m a really good guy.
But isn’t that like a woman saying she should be able to dress however she wants, provided that the men around her understand that she does not intend to sleep with them?
It doesn’t work like that. We’re wired differently. So men, we need to be careful how we treat women. A nice dinner just the two of us may be no different than having a nice dinner with another guy to us--- but when she looks at you, she might be trying to figure out what you’re children are gonna look like.
(I was actually interested in a girl once, and she let me know that she wasn’t interested back by saying “We’d have such ugly children!”)
Now here’s something important- a distinction between men and women. Men have more brain cells than women, but women have more connections between their brain cells. That is why guys are more likely to have learning disabilities, but women are more likely to suffer from dementia when they get older.
The consequence of this difference is that we think differently. Ladies always complain that men have ‘one track minds’, and its true! Men can only pretty much think about one thing at a time. But women multitask.
Basically, a mans brain is like a waffle. It’s all compartmentalized, and one thought is not really connected to another. A woman’s brain is more like spaghetti. Everything is connected!
What this means is that if the wife and husband have a fight in the morning, he leaves, works all day, and has a long series of unrelated events, and when he comes home from work, he has completely forgotten about the fight in the morning. She, on the other hand, goes about her day, and every little thing is somehow connected to the fight that day, and until she gets to talk to him about it, she just gets angrier and angrier! The man comes home from work, all chipper, and says “hi honey!”, and she thinks he’s being patronizing!
Another thing that happens is that women read into things that men do not. I had a girl one time tell me about a guy she liked in choir. “He said ‘Hi’ to me today! That’s a good sign!” I was dumbfounded. “I say hi to you every day! It doesn’t mean anything!”
This distinction between men and women is so important. Ladies, you might think you are sending off the clearest signals, and you can’t figure out why guys just don’t get it.
They never will.
And guys, careful how you scratch your chest,, or cross your legs, cause that’s definitely a sign. Never compliment a woman in public, and for crying out loud, never do it in private!
I’m clearly being facetious, but you get the idea.
Lastly, we think differently. Men and women experience stress differently. To a woman, she thinks that if she talks about how she feels, she’s connecting emotionally. Her stress level goes down. But to a man, programmed to be the provider, he thinks that if she comes to him with a problem, that she is clearly looking for a solution!
So supposing you’re at camp. I female team member may complain that a mop bucket is not working properly. The male team member says “why don’t you just get another bucket?”. The Male thinks she’s an idiot for not thinking of that herself. The female feels that he has just invalidated her concern by giving a simple answer. She’s not looking for a solution, she knows the solution. She wants emotional validation. It’s frustrating when a bucket doesn’t work, and you have to look for another one, when all you wanna do is finish chores. Another woman would know how to respond. She would say “Oh, I know! I wish we would just get some new cleaning supplies, around here.”
For the man, the more you talk about a problem, the more his stress level goes up. But the woman needs to talk about it to drive her stress level down!
So waddya do?
First of all, just knowing this will help. Then, remember, the man is the initiator. It is up to him to love the woman in the manner that she needs to be loved first. He needs to validate her emotions. Once he has done that, and listened to her, she will be more responsive to his advice on how to solve the problem. He will have earned the right.
The last thing I want to say is, that you will notice that every kind of sexual sin is a twist, a perversion on the right order. Men want to see women’s beautiful physique, but rather than emotionally investing, they flip on the computer. Women want to be told they are beautiful, so they sleep around just for the affirmation. And it goes on to explain the phenomenon’s, of birth control, abortion, homosexuality, fetishes, etc. We need to recapture the truth and goodness of our masculine and feminine natures if we want to restore our culture.
By this time, Catherine had concluded that I would certainly propose within adoration. But I didn't.
We then went to Emerald Lake Lodge, which was recommended by my sister in law, Laura. The Sun was setting as we arrived, giving us a spectacular sky. The restaurant is classy, but quaint, situated on a hill overlooking the lake. Even to get to it, we had to park some distance away and hike through cabin village of sorts.
embrace poverty as a cross but also as a gift from God. But I wanted to make this day special. I have never before, nor will I likely again, eaten in such luxury! I told Catherine to ignore the price, and simply to enjoy herself.
We went back to my place, where we had Baileys Irish Cream and homemade Chocolate Dipped Strawberries (Tara Close taught me how!), and of course, I presented the ring- which is a size too large and is getting sized at the Jewellers. Here is a picture of a ring that looks nothing like the one I gave her. (The one I gave her is a solitaire, aqua marine, princess cut, set in yellow gold, with "In His Sacred Heart" inscribed on the inside... in case you care about stuff like that.
